Magical Dads

Magical Dads was featured in the Winter 2016 edition of our print and online family magazine , written by Dr Anton Jordaan

While fatherhood is both challenging and rewarding, your presence as a father in your child’s life, has an astounding effect.

According to Noseweek only 3 in 10 South African children grow up with their father at home.* The impact of growing up without a father is alarming. Did you know that boys are likely to develop a passive approach to challenges and become increasingly insecure and clingy? In their teens they might become even more passive, shrink from responsibility and have a diminished sense of achievement. Statistically, girls are more likely to develop an eating disorder or experience depression as well as increased vulnerability to peer pressure.

Dads can work magic

While working in private practice, NGO’s, rehabilitation centres, hospitals and faith communities for the past 30 years, I was fortunate to observe the wholesome influence of ordinary dads on their children. My observations confirm what research indicates:

The unconditional love of a father bestows a sense of self-worth and competence in a child.
Most children emulate the moral integrity of their father.
Support and comfort from the father instils a sense of emotional security which brings fortitude in later life.
Healthy discipline provides a moral compass.
Respect between father and child enhances respect for social order in society.

You don’t need a degree in psychology to be a good father. Here are a few pointers:

Spend time with your child. Amid your busy schedule, mealtimes provide a golden opportunity for bonding. Surprisingly, children from families who have dinner around a table are less likely to develop a drug habit.
Pay attention. Being present but occupied is a half measure. Girls who grow up with fathers who play with them become confident adults.
Be clear, to the point and consistent. Apply discipline in a consistent way. Make it clear what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, but always be open for discussion.
Honour your word. If you promise to be present at the sports day, show up!
Show emotion. Show affection to your spouse, joy at seeing your children, compassion for their hurts and forgiveness for their mishaps.

Ordinary guys can be magical dads. Fathers, your kids can grow up to be strong, balanced and successful adults! Can you think of a better investment!?

*Noseweek #184, 1st February 2015

Dr Anton Jordaan is a specialist counsellor with practices in Somerset West and Pretoria. He holds a PhD in Narrative Therapy and he received postdoctoral training in Clinical Pastoral Education in The Netherlands. He is married to Hanlie, a marriage and family therapist. Contact him on 083-380-0346 or at adoonsjordaan@gmail.com